I’m starting to understand how everything love works when I lost it and didn’t care about it. When I lost my first girlfriend (Emma) and moved on to the second (Sam) then to my third (Tabitha) I thought I show my ex I need her more then 2nd I’m dating as a friend but that will never work. After that happened I lost my ability to care and love someone else and I lost fun. When I’m with someone else I’ll only care about is myself, games and money. As for my second (Sam) I’m glad me and her were friends back at anime club and school till my 1st (Emma) destroyed me and it’s along story of what I did to her and I regret everything I did. I didn’t care about being friend or a girlfriend to her or her whatever she planned. but I had to play along to be a lover and a friend so I can teach her and myself how to be lovers. I know we kissed a lot but it was in progress that I’m coming back but then it got in the way again. What I did was I tried to break up with her but I couldn’t do it cause I was afraid and because of how hard I’m into and moved on with her which help’s everything that I lost to get me back. I tried and tried until then my 1st plan worked by not caring, lied, broke a promise, pushed her away or threatened which I don’t that anyway or whatever else I did to her. but my feelings for her got in the way about what will happen to me in the future or whatever I said to her comforting me. After that. That’s when I decide to do my second plan to cause the break up of e-mail and it worked by getting myself in trouble by the teacher and then my feelings for her got in the way again which then I realized of how much I love her as a friend and boyfriend. But after I came down to tell her the truth which I lied to her for a long time. But it wasn’t the right time which saying goodbye is the option. Which that’s when I left her that I will no longer email or talk to her. She did that thing to me too like not caring, ignore and didn’t talk or message me, e-mail and even abandoned me or whatever she did to me which caused me not being friends and this is not what friends do. Usually I did that to her first but paybacks a bitch. Though what came to me is that I should’ve moved on with her, cared for her, loved her and I should’ve not left her even though I’m the one who ended the friendship and relationship which it was all part of the plan until I finally realized it was a stupid plan. Which I did that to her and my third ex. I like being alone away from my friends which I’m ok with 3 friends but after losing Emma, Sam and Tabitha. It doesn’t feel good. It’s been in my past for years and I decide to live with it. Even now I failed love twice cause they moved on with new boyfriends. So if Sam or Tabitha comes back to me I will not make that mistake ever again and I’ll become a better person like before. Even if I’m with someone from my job or wherever I will not make that mistake ever again which is why I will fight and win. I was afraid being with someone in the future as a family and even afraid of doing something private which I don’t want to talk about that one. Even if I was with her I’ll still miss my ex’s. Sam I’m sorry for everything I caused you and I’m sorry that I left you, hurt you and lied to you. I was a bad friend and I hated myself for doing that to you. To let you know I do care and I do loved you as friend, bff or lover. I loved everything of what we did together along time at school, home, water park, movie theater and library. Or wherever else we went and what we did together. I know I couldn’t make it right but you had no idea what I lost in my life. It was all and still my fault. I know it’s not and I’m sorry I could’ve told you all this for along time. But remember this that “I will always love you.” Thank you.